In an ongoing series, Walt will break down personality types that will ALWAYS stand in your way of getting laid. With a bit of honesty and hard work, you can see these bad traits and eliminate them from your life. Don't be that guy.Are you a Douche?
It's a fair question. No one likes to have their faults pointed out. So maybe it's for the best that you come to terms with these flaws on your own. Let's face it, most douches don't know they're douches. It's not like the put your face on summer's eve like it was a Wheaties box (no matter HOW MANY letters I write). So let's define a douche.
A douche can be any of these things, but not limited to....
- Flaky. Douches love to tell you they're going to do something but then crap out on you later.
- A wet blanket. They love to spoil your fun or your ideas just to feel better about themselves.
- A shit-talker. They run their mouths about how awesome they are -OR- how lame you are. Either way, it's just an exercise to make themselves feel better for being a douche.
- Lame. The quote outdated movies or they rave on and on about some stupid ass movie that's from the 80's like Top Gun or something like it's an Ingmar Bergman film.
- Smug. General self-importance runs rampant in the douche community.
- Generic Esoteric. They learn something to "stand out" from the crowd. Unfortunately, it's the same thing everyone else has learned to "stand out" from the crowd. Thus making an equally large crowd.
So let's break this shit down/The cure for the common bag o' vinegar
Flakiness. Let's face it, we all have our flaky moments. It happens. Something comes up and you can't avoid it. All you can do is be a man about it, apologize, and try to make sure it doesn't happen again. But guys, NOTHING turns a lady off more than being a flake. And guess what women? You think you're being cute, but a man will only put up with that shit at a rate equal to how badly he wants to sleep with you. Bottom line is it's just manners. Say you're going to do something, and then do it when and how you said you would.
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Wet blanket. Don't be a fault finder. A person who is secure with himself has NOTHING to gain by pointing out faults. Sure, you and your buddies can cut up from time to time, but really unless you're seeking a specific result from pointing out a flaw do not point out flaws. It makes you look insecure and generally lame. Give appropriate constructive criticism or say nothing at all. No one likes a guy who comes off catty.
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Shit-talking. Bragging and/or putting someone else down only accomplish one thing: it makes you look insecure. Cool people don't brag, they tell stories. Example:
Cool Guy: That reminds me of when I was surfing with my buddies in california. We have a blast out there. Have you been?
Douche: Oh my God, I'm like the best surfer ever. I bet you couldn't even stand up on a board!
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Lameness. Let's face it, this is something that's more of an art than a science. Usually lame people fall into 2 categories: boring or overzealous. Bring is pretty easy to fix. You know that movie Yes Man? Yeah, I never saw it either. But do what I assume happens in the movie based on the trailer: say yes to anything anyone asks you to do. Go to the knitting circle. Go to the dance club. Hell, ride to McDonald's with your buddy. DO SOMETHING. Then remember what you did and talk about it. However, if you're overzealous... well, I hate to break it to you but the Matrix was a mediocre movie. Dave Matthews is just ok (nice guy, by the way). John Mayer is not a role model. Ultimate frisby is not ultimate, penultimate, or even quasi-ultimate. No one wants to play hackey sack anymore. We like shirts, put one on.
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Smugness and Generic Esoteric. I grouped these because they're sort of the same thing. I wanted to introduce the idea of generic esoteric because I get the feeling that a lot of folks don't realize it. You'd be surprised how many people have read Catcher in the Rye. We all love the Zombies. We've heard of Wes Anderson. We all know Chomsky and Zinn. We don't care that much about Mumia being in jail. We know about Hinduism. We know about Buddhism. We know it's a nice idea that we're all part of some cosmic vibration. Basically, you shouldn't be pretentious about what you've read because chances are we've read it.
I want you to be Will Hunting, not Harvard guy.
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