Get off the couch. No, really. Get up.

It is a wild and contemptuous world out there, looking for love. Rejection awaits around many corners and your self esteem is a wide open target for the opposite sex. Of course love is hard.
Relationships are weird and tricky, and solving the rubix cube that romantic love turns out to be can drive you completely bonkers, but it really is time for you to take some responsibility and stop being such a whiny toddler.

Firstly, get your lazy shlumpy, depressing ass off the couch.
I mean it, get up. Run, jump, lift weights do cartwheels, climb a rock wall, take up aerobic Salsa dancing. Anything exept sitting there, blankly staring at the food network nighttime line up wishing Giada De Laurentiis would crawl through the television and give you a blow job.
Let's talk about why this is important.

You look like shit.
Doing nothing all the time feels like the right thing to do because you've become so used to looking at yourself that you've failed to notice how nobody else really likes looking at you much. You probably have horrible posture, food on your clothing (if you're wearing clothing besides those horrifying white boxer briefs with the mystery stain way to close to your buttcrack.) You smell like too much sleep and not enough showers etc etc. You see where I'm going with this.
Getting up and injecting a little purpose into your day is the first step toward being less atrocious. The more you move, the more you'll want to move. This new found energy will at the very least help you stand up straighter.

Cause and Effect.
Your beer (nachos/chicken wings/Crisco) belly is really only a fraction of the problem. The downward spiral of repulsion is really more of a chain, each link represented by a choice you made to continue along down a path of self destruction.
You make a decision not to do anything, so you eat because you're bored. You get soft because you eat too much because you're bored. Now you're sad and insecure because you're fat. Not only sad and insecure but increasingly lazy due to all of these compounded factors.
This is not some incurable illness, there is nothing really wrong with you, you're not actually disgusting, we can fix this!
Just get up. Doing something gives you less time for boredom, and therefor less time to eat. Less eating leads to being less of a fat ass. Being less of a fat ass leads to increased confidence and vigor! I know you've heard this stuff before but as is evident by your Eeyore-esque persona, you have not been listening.

Accepting that you deserve to do shit for yourself that makes you happy and confident, healthy and vibrant is the most important step. Secretly, you've created a little "I don't care, fuck the world, I hate myself a little" motto that you follow. You deserve better than that. Besides, any potential mate that is worth having in your life, is not going to settle for the watered down, depressing version of you. You'll only get that down ass bitch by being your most awesome self.