Mic Check...1.....2

Welcome to Team.Get.You.Laid; aptly named since we're here to help you bang all these girls that we can't. You've already met Walt. Walt's also the guitarist in an unnamed music project with myself. Also on staff, JoeR; owner/creator of Actionbooth.com (you know how you flip thru SI or Playboy and you think to yourself, man I wish i could take pictures of scantily clad ladies....well that's Joe's job.). My lovely wife, Raina who knows a thing or two about getting laid since we're currently knocked up is also here to oversee this menagerie. Expect guest blogs from the Edukatorz.com crew, as well as Fashion consultants Fawn Dollah$$$ and BewRadley. I'm sure there's others who will be popping in. In the interim send us your questions; all that stuff you're embarrassed to ask. Be embarrassed no more!

One for the ladies

Alright ladies, it's time to get real here. Your magazines have largely failed you. Sure, cosmo has a list of 5,000 moves to make your man shoot semen from his eye sockets if you so choose, but yet you keep ending up in unsuccessful or boring situations with men. You get guys with no backbone. Guys with no motivation. Guys with no clue how to please you. Guys with so much of a clue of how to please you that you don't feel like you can give him the same pleasure. Men who mock you, berate you, make you feel dumb. Men who cheat. The list can go on and I've probably already hit a nerve. I'm sorry gals, I know you're neurotic (honestly one of your redeeming qualities in my eyes). Really, I would wager to say that every single one of your problems with men either comes from not understanding how a man thinks, or from not understanding how YOU think. I'm hoping by the end of this, I'll have shed some light on the subject and you can move forward into a better dating life.

What a man thinks of you.

It's really astonishing what we don't know about one another. Ladies, you know how terrified you are right before the first time you have sex with a new guy? How you wonder if you waited long enough, whether you picked the right guy, if you look good enough naked, etc? Even if you don't have that feeling anymore, I'm sure you had it at one point or another in your lifetime. Get that stomach-churning fear locked into your mind. This is what approximately 99% of men feel before they walk up and say "hello" to you. Even the loud mouthed assholes have this feeling. That's why they psych themselves up and put on a front of being a jackass: better to barrel in than think about it. I'm sure this probably seems silly to you. You know what? The feeling you have before sex is silly to us. In fact, if you told a guy about that feeling, it would blow his mind. We have NO fucking clue about that.

Why do I bring this up? Because this feeling that men get (commonly called "approach anxiety") is probably the #1 thing keeping you from getting with a guy you'll dig. Let's say you're a typical woman. I don't know if they pulled you aside in kindergarten, or if your mom had a talk with you, or if they mailed you a pamphlet after you had your first period; but you probably employ the "play hard to get" angle. You know, the guy is supposed to come over and talk to you, he's supposed to make the advances, he does everything. I'm not faulting this strategy, this is how our mating ritual has stood for hundreds of years. The problem is, these days, instead of men getting pulled aside in kindergarten or having a talk with dad or getting a pamphlet with this info; men are instead given an anti-sexual harassment lesson. This creates a problem. See, we are basically told any advances toward a woman are always unwelcome and make you a strange weirdo perv. Now don't get me wrong, some guys get the talk from their dad or brother to straighten this out. Maybe the pamphlet only goes to some households? Anyway, the bottom line is men really don't know the right way to do the old fashioned thing.

So basically, you only go on dates with guys that you choose based on a pool of men who had the gumption to approach you. And let's be honest, you know the guys who typically approach you. Some Guido with a freshly waxed chest and gold chains. Either that or you throw a bone to the loser guy you keep around who begs you for a date off and on in a fit of desperation. Either way, we're not picking from a great pool of specimen.

So where does this leave us?

I'm sure you're saying to yourself "But Walt, I practically send men a golden hand-written invitation on a silver platter!" Well, I'm here to tell you that even if you are, the invite is in Chinese to men. Most guys don't know your stupid code language. We don't know that you holding eye contact and smiling is an invite. We don't know that you playing with your hair is a green light. Hell, we don't even know that if you laugh at some stupid shit we say is tantamount to saying "let's do this". No, instead we just focus on the fact that you're a hot girl. Maybe you're a hot girl who smiles. Maybe you're a hot girl who plays with her hair. Maybe you're a hot girl who laughs. None of these statements get followed up with "...because she's interested in me" in our minds.

Now trust me, I know you've been burned approaching men you like. They don't take the hint or they don't make a move and then you end up feeling TERRIBLE. I NEED you to understand that in the majority of cases the guy is just clueless or didn't work up the courage to ask you for your number. And even if it was a flat out rejection, you'll save a great deal of sanity by just assuming he pussed out.

Truthfully, I think you'll have better luck going for the guy who seems a little nervous and filtering from that list. A lot of times a guy just needs one good signal to make him realize what's going down here. They might have ambition and backbone and all that shit you love, you just have to help them over that first hump. Men are pretty frank beings, we can handle a strong dose of honesty. If you two are flirting and he doesn't ask for your number, a playful "hey dumbass, this is the part where you ask for my number" will do the trick nicely. The funny thing is the man would get such an ego boost from you liking him that he'll be happier than a pig in shit.

I just can't find a good man anywhere!!

I hate to say it, but some women just pick the real winners. Something went wrong in their DNA and they like guys on roids or who are cheaters or whatever. To these women, I say try dating a guy you have no immediate attraction to. Go outside of your "type". Let him show you his world. It's just a date or two. Obviously, if you're doing the same thing and getting the same result, it's time to try something new. Pick up a hobby you're not immediately interested in. Maybe you love to dance but every guy you meet at dances is a tool. Try taking a painting class. These are just general ideas. The big picture is to do something completely different and get around a different type of person.

Maybe your problem is you end up with boring men. Unfortunately, as much as you'd like to, you can't fix a man. The best thing you can do is put a little bit of work in on him and send him off to the next girl a little better than you found him. But when you get out of that relationship, think about how you got with John Q. Paintdrying. Where did you meet him? Work party? Some place lame? Did they drag him out of his living room couch to come out in the first place? You're not going to find interesting people if you're not doing interesting things yourself. And taking a cooking class at the community college isn't interesting. Useful? Sure. But it's something boring people do to try to be moderately less boring. Think of something that sounds like an adventure to you then do that. You love thrills and romance anyway, right?

Wow Walt, you're a regular Hemingway here... nice word count!

Thanks! Hey...wait a second... Don't sass me! I'll have more info for you ladies later. Digest this bit of introductory info and we'll get on to more advanced topics later. Leave comments and I'll fill in any specifics you may want.

Team Get You Laid is GO!

Question: Where do I meet women?

Anywhere. Except a bar or night club. Sure, you can play the game, you can get dressed up, spray yourself down with axe body spray and dance like a trained monkey all in the hopes that some skeezer will remember you the next day.

If you want the easier route, I suggest meeting them in your day to day life. You stand out a lot more if you're the ONE guy who made her shopping trip fun instead of the 100th guy who hit on her at the bar.

Pumpkin Patch/Farmer's Market/Weber's Cider Mill Farm (for you Baltimoreans)

It's amazing how many nice hot chicks populate these places. What's also amazing is how few guys are there. What's EVEN MORE amazing is that there's next to no single guys there. Sure, you'll have to wade through girls who are dating someone, but you will still find some quality girls there.

Grocery Store

Try to aim for Whole Foods or a nicer grocery store. Pay attention to your grocery store. Giant has nicer products than Shoppers. Shop somewhere where they sell fresh stuff, not all canned garbage. Also, do your shopping on a week night. Try going after work or around 7, after you'd have dinner.

Book Store

I think this is self-explanatory.

Craft Store

This is a double edged sword. There are always women there and no men. However, there's probably not much of a reason for you to be there. Learn to draw or paint, then you'll have a reason to be there. "I'm looking for a frame for a poster" is a good fall back.

In summation... Basically the idea is to go someplace where 1) women are and 2) where they'll be alone or bored. It's a lot easier to brighten a girl's evening and get her having fun if she's doing something lame and commonplace.

Bitch Be Cool

Remember at the end of Pulp Fiction. Fuck that, remember Pulp Fiction? Really remember all the scenes with Samuel L. Jackson as Jules the Hitman? What was he? He was perennially cool. As cool as the other side of the pillow. As cool as a fucking snowman in July. That's what you want to be. This can prove extremely difficult however. One of the easiest workarounds for this? Watch television. Here's a list of films you should watch to help you be cooler.

Be Cool

Get Shorty

Pulp Fiction

Iron Man

Snatch

Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels.

You can kill two birds with one stone if you can get a girl over to watch these with you.

Random Tips and Tricks #1

Over the past few years, you start to pick up on random tid bits and work your way into the psyche of whomever you are trying to attract. Below is the first of many tips from the contributors of TeamGetYouLaid.

1. Make them laugh. Either at a clever remark, at someone else's expense or your own.

Keys to success

Here are some basic ideas to get you started:

1) Make peace with the fact that you enjoy sex. Also, make peace with the fact that other people want sex too.

Here's the thing: you probably make too big of a deal about sex. You either push waaaay too hard, or you pretend that you're flat in the front like Ken. So basically you act like a frat boy at a kegger or like a total prude. Both people are pretty annoying to the majority of people.

Here's a good exercise for either type of person. When you meet someone you like sexually, talk to them normally, and don't talk about sex at all directly. BUT picture them laying in bed fantasizing about having sex with you. You'll be surprised how much more comfortable you become, and how you subtly communicate that you're interested.

2) No one likes your problems

Don't talk about your ex, your boss, your friend who screwed you over, your debt, your parents being jerks, etc. Sure, we all need to talk sometimes, and that's fine by me. But that's what you have best friends for. And really, even with them you should limit your talking about problems constantly. Sometimes you have to just take it on the chin and deal with it yourself. Man up.

3) Don't give advice

This is especially big for men. Even if your friends are losers, don't treat them like losers. Only parents give advice without being asked directly. Unless someone specifically says to you "Hey, I need your advice on this", don't give advice. Listen, and then just end with something like "hey, I have faith in you, you can work this out." Don't treat your friends like idiots. Show some faith in them.

4) Make peace with the fact that not everyone will want to have sex with you.

I'm sorry to say this, but love is a numbers game. You're going to have to burn through some people it doesn't work out with. Don't take it personally. It's a statement of incompatibility, not a statement that you're flawed. Unless you are flawed, but you're going to have to learn to figure that out on your own. I'm just a dude on a blog.

5) People can handle honesty

That comes with the caveat that it's not always the time to tell the truth. Also, keep in mind "handling the truth" and "appreciating the truth" are different things. But being genuine is really your best ally in this world (next to being trustworthy).

6) Assume any information given to you is private and secret

Being trustworthy is super important. I can not stress this enough. This will get you laid, promoted, hired, anything. If you can't keep things to yourself, that's probably a sign that you need attention or that you need to feel better by pointing out other people's flaws. Running your mouth is a cancer. Be trustworthy.


More to come....

tired of going on shitty dates? or being in a relationship that fucking sucks? yeah...we're tired of YOU bitching about that.