One of the most important things to get you laid is confidence. These days it may also be referred to as your swagger. It’s not always just about how you look that makes you attractive, but being confident in yourself can make you irresistible.
Confidence is projected when you start a relationship or just a conversation with a relaxed state of mind and without needing the things to become anything more that what it is. It’s about knowing what you like and what you don’t like and not being afraid to share that. You have to be comfortable with yourself, your goals and your values. When your on your date or meeting a new person, don’t be overly concerned about that person liking you but how much you may or may not like them. One of the things about confidence is knowing that you are worthwhile and worthy of their attention. Now don’t mix that up with being arrogant, because that can get you in trouble. Arrogance will immediately make you unattractive.
Confidence is projected from your body language, how you talk, the way that you walk, and how you dress. Ladies, nothing will get a guys attention quicker than a strong, sexy walk. Now don’t over do it because that will make you seem desperate for attention. A good thing to keep in mind when walking is to keep your back straight, shoulders back and one foot in front of the other. Add some heels to the mix and you will be unstoppable. Try to always smile, when you smile you feel good and others will notice your good mood. That will also make you more approachable and easy to talk to.
Usually when you start a conversation it takes on a natural flow…go with that. It will take a lot of the unnecessary guesswork out of what you should say next.
It seems that people’s ability to feel confident can be sabotaged by the “what if” game. “What if there is something wrong with me” or “What if I I’m not interesting enough”, when playing this game people never think that about the chance that something could be wrong with the other person or the simple fact that different people are attracted to a wide variety of people for different reasons. The rejection process that takes place early in a relationship is less of a reflection of someone’s personal worth and more so a statement of the other person’s preference. So the next time things don’t work out, try not to take it personally.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
How to Hook Up with a Stripper
Hello. I'm be_gully, and I'm here to help get you laid. When I'm not doing that, I'm writing for The Edukatorz, a blog that seeks to educate, and True Genius Requires Insanity. In my role as an Edukator, I'm known as Beaker. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, who also contributes advice here about getting you laid, is the other Edukator. We'll both be writing here whenever we think of really good advice about getting you laid. If you need advice about anything else (and sometimes getting laid, too, but you'll also see those posts here, like today's), visit us at The Edukatorz.
1. Understand: You Are the Alpha Male
First off, you gotta fix your attitude. This could not be more important. Strip clubs are full of drunken frat boys being assholes (they should really read The Edukatorz), desperate old men, and groups of guys out on the town blowing their paycheck on a good time. None of these are a good look on you. If you walk in there with confidence instead of arrogance or nervousness, you are automatically one step up from everyone else in there. Seriously, just watch the Dog Whisperer. It's good life advice generally, but especially for this. Where else is humanity more like a pack of dogs than the strip club?
NB: It might seem obvious, but it's important to point out. Dressing well is going to make a great impression and a big difference in the whole process. Look to Barney Stinson, Neil Patrick Harris’s character on the show How I Met Your Mother and suit up!
2. Become a Strip Club VIP
Choose your favorite local club. Start going there all the time. Spend your money, but you don't need to go crazy. Throwing 20s around is going to make you like you have something to prove (see step 1). Be friendly with all the strippers, introduce yourself to everyone, joke around with the bouncer. Figure out who the owner is and compliment his club, make him laugh, and next time make him remember your name. It's the same way you become a favored regular at any bar, really. Just make sure you follow the basic rules for behavior at the club, and you'll be surprised how soon the bouncer is giving you the best table and the dancers are going out of the way to introduce themselves to your friends.
3. Choose Your Girl Early... and Ignore Her
Nothing annoys women like being ignored, and when they're naked, it's almost offensive. Don't be rude - you don't want to cross that line into actually offensive territory or you're never getting close. Just keep aloof. Flirt with a different girl and maybe buy a lapdance. If your girl's one of the ones you've become friendly with and she comes over, say hi, just seem preoccupied (there should be plenty to be distracting you on stage behind her). Basically, you're not looking to insult your girl, just get her to pay attention to you and wonder why you aren't into her.
4. Seek Her Out
You'll know when you've ignored her long enough. After you've caught her looking in your direction from across the club, it's time to change tactic. Next time she's on stage, walk right up with a 10-dollar bill. She'll smile, and all the doubts you'd given her- whether you don't like her, whether she's doing something wrong - will be removed. When she realizes that you're giving her a ten instead of a dollar or two, she'll be curious about why.
5. Talk to Her
After that treatment, she is guaranteed to come sit down with you. From there, it's all on you. This is the same as any conversation with a girl you like. She has gone from unattainable exotic dancer to woman sitting at your table and talking. So make sure you act like it. Ask her questions about herself. Get to know her. Ask her out. Most clubs won't let the dancers go home with customers, and you don't want to ruin the reputation you've made at your club, but ask what her day off is. And then, you can hook up with a stripper.
It's that easy. Now, get thee to the bank, acquire many one-dollar bills, don your tie and go get 'em!
*This is a method learned from the unnamed master of the Secret Order of Stripper Poon. It took many years to be inducted into the Order and learn its secrets. Unfortunately, some vows cannot be broken, and the highest secrets cannot be shared. However, this should put you on the right path. The rest is up to you.
Your Toxic Relationship
In a recent conversation with my latest experiment/client, we talked about his past relationship. (lets call him Brian.)
Brian tells me about a woman who has mentally verbally and sometimes physically humiliated and emasculated him in horrifying, ball crushing ways.
My mouth agape, Brian recalled the time his ex-girlfriend of ten years told him she had been sleeping with both of his best friends, sometimes at the same time.
He told me about how she smashed in his car windshield by throwing his printer out the window because he kept forgetting to refill the ink cartridge.
Appalled, i asked, "Why the fuck didn't you run for the hills the first time this fire breathing succubus pulled a stunt like that??"
Brian shrugged, saying only "I thought after a certain amount of time it was normal.. normal couples fight."
Yes, Brian. Normal couples fight. Hey, sometimes they break things! Passion makes us crazy.. But this right here? this is a case of a toxic, deadly relationship.
Brian was so caught up, felt he had invested so much in her and this relationship, was so weakened by the constant relentless battle between them, that he just stayed. Wounded, and defeated, for 10 years.
It doesn't have to be that bad to be toxic. We will often stay with the ones we love for a variety of reasons, enduring the most awful abuses, and maybe even dishing some of our own abuse out. Whatever your circumstance is, do not be fooled into believing that this cannot be you. Evaluate your relationship, if you have a beautiful loving partnership, fantastic (what are you doing here??) If not....
you aint doing anybody no good.
You my friend are caught up in what is called a SUNK COST. Brian's girlfriend? She's a sunk cost.
You cant get back any of the countless hours, countless dollars, countless broken dishes (bones etc.) back. Time to buck up baby, and run for the proverbial hills.
But, but.. what about our families?
You have a responsibility to your own happiness. You also have a responsibility to relieve your partner of being with someone who is not invested in the relationship. Your parents and hers are grown ups with the capacity to understand both of these concepts. rip off the band-aid and look out into sun! (run! bitch, run!)
If you are prolonging the separation because you fear the pain of all involved, you are not doing anyone a favor.
Think of it like... smoking cigarettes. The longer you're in the relationship, the more it stinks, the more annoying and repulsive you are to your friends, and the sicker you become. minute. by. minute. (GET THE HELL OUTTA DODGE!)
If you are prolonging the separation because of fear of the pain you will experience, you are not doing yourself a favor.
Lets go back to that cigarette reference. This love of yours is a poison, and you take a little each and every day until you just CROAK.
Fall over and die. Do you want to fall over and die?
Maybe I'm being a little extreme but the point remains the same. The more time you spend devoted to unhappiness the less time you have for bliss. I want you to be blissful. Stop crying, and pack your shit.
Finally, For the betterment of your own life, her life and for your family's comfort in your happiness, you have to cut. it. out. asap.
As I said in our conversation about you being a lazy slob, you deserve to be happy and healthy, full of confidence and vigor! So take care of yourself, remove the toxicity. Then come back and we'll talk about how to get you laid.
Brian tells me about a woman who has mentally verbally and sometimes physically humiliated and emasculated him in horrifying, ball crushing ways.
My mouth agape, Brian recalled the time his ex-girlfriend of ten years told him she had been sleeping with both of his best friends, sometimes at the same time.
He told me about how she smashed in his car windshield by throwing his printer out the window because he kept forgetting to refill the ink cartridge.
Appalled, i asked, "Why the fuck didn't you run for the hills the first time this fire breathing succubus pulled a stunt like that??"
Brian shrugged, saying only "I thought after a certain amount of time it was normal.. normal couples fight."
Yes, Brian. Normal couples fight. Hey, sometimes they break things! Passion makes us crazy.. But this right here? this is a case of a toxic, deadly relationship.
Brian was so caught up, felt he had invested so much in her and this relationship, was so weakened by the constant relentless battle between them, that he just stayed. Wounded, and defeated, for 10 years.
It doesn't have to be that bad to be toxic. We will often stay with the ones we love for a variety of reasons, enduring the most awful abuses, and maybe even dishing some of our own abuse out. Whatever your circumstance is, do not be fooled into believing that this cannot be you. Evaluate your relationship, if you have a beautiful loving partnership, fantastic (what are you doing here??) If not....
you aint doing anybody no good.
You my friend are caught up in what is called a SUNK COST. Brian's girlfriend? She's a sunk cost.
You cant get back any of the countless hours, countless dollars, countless broken dishes (bones etc.) back. Time to buck up baby, and run for the proverbial hills.
But, but.. what about our families?
You have a responsibility to your own happiness. You also have a responsibility to relieve your partner of being with someone who is not invested in the relationship. Your parents and hers are grown ups with the capacity to understand both of these concepts. rip off the band-aid and look out into sun! (run! bitch, run!)
If you are prolonging the separation because you fear the pain of all involved, you are not doing anyone a favor.
Think of it like... smoking cigarettes. The longer you're in the relationship, the more it stinks, the more annoying and repulsive you are to your friends, and the sicker you become. minute. by. minute. (GET THE HELL OUTTA DODGE!)
If you are prolonging the separation because of fear of the pain you will experience, you are not doing yourself a favor.
Lets go back to that cigarette reference. This love of yours is a poison, and you take a little each and every day until you just CROAK.
Fall over and die. Do you want to fall over and die?
Maybe I'm being a little extreme but the point remains the same. The more time you spend devoted to unhappiness the less time you have for bliss. I want you to be blissful. Stop crying, and pack your shit.
Finally, For the betterment of your own life, her life and for your family's comfort in your happiness, you have to cut. it. out. asap.
As I said in our conversation about you being a lazy slob, you deserve to be happy and healthy, full of confidence and vigor! So take care of yourself, remove the toxicity. Then come back and we'll talk about how to get you laid.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
To Infinity And Beyond
It would appear 2010 represents more than just a new decade; as sweeping changes to the television landscape are upon us. This has nothing to do with getting laid aside from watching TV with women will get you laid (and these shows will definetely help you with that); so think of this as more of an editorial. Fox is reportedly talking about pulling the plug on 24 and Lost is steamrolling toward its finale; and television is super important to my day to day; even if I don't watch it everyday.
At the beginning of the decade; the landscape of television was just beginning to shift. Perennial 90s favorites; Ally McBeal, The Cosby Show, The X-Files were all either over by 2000 or had long since lost their drawing power. Reality television was the name of the game and everyone was getting in on it. Several shows however came along during that time period and changed the way network television was crafted. These shows were Lost, 24, CSI, Grey's Anatomy; all ushering their respective genres into the new Willenium. 24 revitalized the career of Keifer Sutherland; the show's lead, as Jack Bauer; a federal agent known for going "off the grid" to get the job done. Lost was almost the opposite of 24, with its large ensemble cast and overarching themes and plots. CSI showed us a different side of law enforcement; using science and analysis as the tools of the trade, not a dimly lit interrogation room with good cop/bad cop. And Grey's showed ER you can have a show about a hospital where a helicopter isn't falling on someone.
So now we're right back where we started. The television we loved is coming to an end; and we're left wondering what's next.
At the beginning of the decade; the landscape of television was just beginning to shift. Perennial 90s favorites; Ally McBeal, The Cosby Show, The X-Files were all either over by 2000 or had long since lost their drawing power. Reality television was the name of the game and everyone was getting in on it. Several shows however came along during that time period and changed the way network television was crafted. These shows were Lost, 24, CSI, Grey's Anatomy; all ushering their respective genres into the new Willenium. 24 revitalized the career of Keifer Sutherland; the show's lead, as Jack Bauer; a federal agent known for going "off the grid" to get the job done. Lost was almost the opposite of 24, with its large ensemble cast and overarching themes and plots. CSI showed us a different side of law enforcement; using science and analysis as the tools of the trade, not a dimly lit interrogation room with good cop/bad cop. And Grey's showed ER you can have a show about a hospital where a helicopter isn't falling on someone.
So now we're right back where we started. The television we loved is coming to an end; and we're left wondering what's next.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Get off the couch. No, really. Get up.
It is a wild and contemptuous world out there, looking for love. Rejection awaits around many corners and your self esteem is a wide open target for the opposite sex. Of course love is hard.
Relationships are weird and tricky, and solving the rubix cube that romantic love turns out to be can drive you completely bonkers, but it really is time for you to take some responsibility and stop being such a whiny toddler.
Firstly, get your lazy shlumpy, depressing ass off the couch.
I mean it, get up. Run, jump, lift weights do cartwheels, climb a rock wall, take up aerobic Salsa dancing. Anything exept sitting there, blankly staring at the food network nighttime line up wishing Giada De Laurentiis would crawl through the television and give you a blow job.
Let's talk about why this is important.
You look like shit.
Doing nothing all the time feels like the right thing to do because you've become so used to looking at yourself that you've failed to notice how nobody else really likes looking at you much. You probably have horrible posture, food on your clothing (if you're wearing clothing besides those horrifying white boxer briefs with the mystery stain way to close to your buttcrack.) You smell like too much sleep and not enough showers etc etc. You see where I'm going with this.
Getting up and injecting a little purpose into your day is the first step toward being less atrocious. The more you move, the more you'll want to move. This new found energy will at the very least help you stand up straighter.
Cause and Effect.
Your beer (nachos/chicken wings/Crisco) belly is really only a fraction of the problem. The downward spiral of repulsion is really more of a chain, each link represented by a choice you made to continue along down a path of self destruction.
You make a decision not to do anything, so you eat because you're bored. You get soft because you eat too much because you're bored. Now you're sad and insecure because you're fat. Not only sad and insecure but increasingly lazy due to all of these compounded factors.
This is not some incurable illness, there is nothing really wrong with you, you're not actually disgusting, we can fix this!
Just get up. Doing something gives you less time for boredom, and therefor less time to eat. Less eating leads to being less of a fat ass. Being less of a fat ass leads to increased confidence and vigor! I know you've heard this stuff before but as is evident by your Eeyore-esque persona, you have not been listening.
Accepting that you deserve to do shit for yourself that makes you happy and confident, healthy and vibrant is the most important step. Secretly, you've created a little "I don't care, fuck the world, I hate myself a little" motto that you follow. You deserve better than that. Besides, any potential mate that is worth having in your life, is not going to settle for the watered down, depressing version of you. You'll only get that down ass bitch by being your most awesome self.
Relationships are weird and tricky, and solving the rubix cube that romantic love turns out to be can drive you completely bonkers, but it really is time for you to take some responsibility and stop being such a whiny toddler.
Firstly, get your lazy shlumpy, depressing ass off the couch.
I mean it, get up. Run, jump, lift weights do cartwheels, climb a rock wall, take up aerobic Salsa dancing. Anything exept sitting there, blankly staring at the food network nighttime line up wishing Giada De Laurentiis would crawl through the television and give you a blow job.
Let's talk about why this is important.
You look like shit.
Doing nothing all the time feels like the right thing to do because you've become so used to looking at yourself that you've failed to notice how nobody else really likes looking at you much. You probably have horrible posture, food on your clothing (if you're wearing clothing besides those horrifying white boxer briefs with the mystery stain way to close to your buttcrack.) You smell like too much sleep and not enough showers etc etc. You see where I'm going with this.
Getting up and injecting a little purpose into your day is the first step toward being less atrocious. The more you move, the more you'll want to move. This new found energy will at the very least help you stand up straighter.
Cause and Effect.
Your beer (nachos/chicken wings/Crisco) belly is really only a fraction of the problem. The downward spiral of repulsion is really more of a chain, each link represented by a choice you made to continue along down a path of self destruction.
You make a decision not to do anything, so you eat because you're bored. You get soft because you eat too much because you're bored. Now you're sad and insecure because you're fat. Not only sad and insecure but increasingly lazy due to all of these compounded factors.
This is not some incurable illness, there is nothing really wrong with you, you're not actually disgusting, we can fix this!
Just get up. Doing something gives you less time for boredom, and therefor less time to eat. Less eating leads to being less of a fat ass. Being less of a fat ass leads to increased confidence and vigor! I know you've heard this stuff before but as is evident by your Eeyore-esque persona, you have not been listening.
Accepting that you deserve to do shit for yourself that makes you happy and confident, healthy and vibrant is the most important step. Secretly, you've created a little "I don't care, fuck the world, I hate myself a little" motto that you follow. You deserve better than that. Besides, any potential mate that is worth having in your life, is not going to settle for the watered down, depressing version of you. You'll only get that down ass bitch by being your most awesome self.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Get to Know Yourself Episode 1: Are you a Douche?
In an ongoing series, Walt will break down personality types that will ALWAYS stand in your way of getting laid. With a bit of honesty and hard work, you can see these bad traits and eliminate them from your life. Don't be that guy.Are you a Douche?
It's a fair question. No one likes to have their faults pointed out. So maybe it's for the best that you come to terms with these flaws on your own. Let's face it, most douches don't know they're douches. It's not like the put your face on summer's eve like it was a Wheaties box (no matter HOW MANY letters I write). So let's define a douche.
A douche can be any of these things, but not limited to....
- Flaky. Douches love to tell you they're going to do something but then crap out on you later.
- A wet blanket. They love to spoil your fun or your ideas just to feel better about themselves.
- A shit-talker. They run their mouths about how awesome they are -OR- how lame you are. Either way, it's just an exercise to make themselves feel better for being a douche.
- Lame. The quote outdated movies or they rave on and on about some stupid ass movie that's from the 80's like Top Gun or something like it's an Ingmar Bergman film.
- Smug. General self-importance runs rampant in the douche community.
- Generic Esoteric. They learn something to "stand out" from the crowd. Unfortunately, it's the same thing everyone else has learned to "stand out" from the crowd. Thus making an equally large crowd.
So let's break this shit down/The cure for the common bag o' vinegar
Flakiness. Let's face it, we all have our flaky moments. It happens. Something comes up and you can't avoid it. All you can do is be a man about it, apologize, and try to make sure it doesn't happen again. But guys, NOTHING turns a lady off more than being a flake. And guess what women? You think you're being cute, but a man will only put up with that shit at a rate equal to how badly he wants to sleep with you. Bottom line is it's just manners. Say you're going to do something, and then do it when and how you said you would.
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Wet blanket. Don't be a fault finder. A person who is secure with himself has NOTHING to gain by pointing out faults. Sure, you and your buddies can cut up from time to time, but really unless you're seeking a specific result from pointing out a flaw do not point out flaws. It makes you look insecure and generally lame. Give appropriate constructive criticism or say nothing at all. No one likes a guy who comes off catty.
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Shit-talking. Bragging and/or putting someone else down only accomplish one thing: it makes you look insecure. Cool people don't brag, they tell stories. Example:
Cool Guy: That reminds me of when I was surfing with my buddies in california. We have a blast out there. Have you been?
Douche: Oh my God, I'm like the best surfer ever. I bet you couldn't even stand up on a board!
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Lameness. Let's face it, this is something that's more of an art than a science. Usually lame people fall into 2 categories: boring or overzealous. Bring is pretty easy to fix. You know that movie Yes Man? Yeah, I never saw it either. But do what I assume happens in the movie based on the trailer: say yes to anything anyone asks you to do. Go to the knitting circle. Go to the dance club. Hell, ride to McDonald's with your buddy. DO SOMETHING. Then remember what you did and talk about it. However, if you're overzealous... well, I hate to break it to you but the Matrix was a mediocre movie. Dave Matthews is just ok (nice guy, by the way). John Mayer is not a role model. Ultimate frisby is not ultimate, penultimate, or even quasi-ultimate. No one wants to play hackey sack anymore. We like shirts, put one on.
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Smugness and Generic Esoteric. I grouped these because they're sort of the same thing. I wanted to introduce the idea of generic esoteric because I get the feeling that a lot of folks don't realize it. You'd be surprised how many people have read Catcher in the Rye. We all love the Zombies. We've heard of Wes Anderson. We all know Chomsky and Zinn. We don't care that much about Mumia being in jail. We know about Hinduism. We know about Buddhism. We know it's a nice idea that we're all part of some cosmic vibration. Basically, you shouldn't be pretentious about what you've read because chances are we've read it.
I want you to be Will Hunting, not Harvard guy.
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